from the edge of the deep green sea

i feel like there's a log jam in my brain

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 04:37:21 GMT

i'm trying to write this essay and it's taking forever. I feel like I can't get thoughts organized in my head, and then when I try to get them on paper they just don't want to come out. quite frustrating. I think it's even more frustrating because tomorrow is the last day of class. i just want tomorrow to be here so that I'll be done with this essay. It's not even that long! It only has to be 6 pages. I don't know what the problem is but hopefully I fix it soon. However, that isn't looking likely because the apprentice starts at 9, so that will serve as an ample distraction for that hour. Oh well, I guess I'll finish it eventually...2 pages down, 4 to go...

procrastination...

Wed, 16 Nov 2005 06:41:51 GMT

just in case anyone was wondering, i hate my comp lit class. it's taught by two totally pretentious grad. students who think that all knowledge and insight begins and ends in their brains. and now i have to write a research paper for their class where we are forced to find, read, and analyze sources, but then we don't have to use those sources if we don't have to. such a waste of time and energy. and all of this is my attempt at procrastination. at least this is only a first draft that doesn't really matter for anything except peer edits, which are the dumbest thing ever. i don't know if i really want advice from some of the members of my class that sit in class with their mouths gaping open, looking totally vacant. unfortunately, it doesn't really look like i have a choice. maybe i should get back to actually doing some writing that matters, although ranting in this box is way more entertaining than writing about totally weepy, annoying crap. but alas, that's the life of a college student.

guess who's procrastinating!

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 04:18:59 GMT

woot for procrastination. boo for essays.

mondays are not fun, but at least there are only like 3 more hours of monday left.

last night i woke up at like 2 in the morning and i felt like i was going to throw up and all day today my stomach has hurt.

oh, and i definitely slept through my first class this morning. i must have woken up and turned off my alarm and then immediately fell back to sleep. i don't even remember turning off my alarm. whatev. it wasn't anything important, hopefully.

ugh

Mon, 10 Oct 2005 22:36:52 GMT

today sucks. in approximately 40 minutes i have to go to wind ensemble and possibly have to play part of a piece in front of the whole band. and most likely i will get totally nervous, my fingers will forget to listen to my brain, and i will embarass myself thoroughly in front of everyone. fuck.

then i get to come home and wallow in my embarassed misery and write a freaking essay.

i just hope that maybe by some divine providence i won't have to play or at least i won't totally suck.

dammit, i have to leave in like 9 minutes. imminent doom awaits...

coffee!!

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 02:17:17 GMT

for the first time in hella days i have a total craving for coffee. i really want an extra hot, non-fat, no whip mocha. yummy!!! unfortunately, i'm too lazy to go get one, so i'll just have to suffer and settle for some chocolate chip cookies instead.

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 16:43:29 GMT

should i go to class on my birthday?

dammit

Fri, 23 Sep 2005 06:32:20 GMT

i have to write this analytical essay about this stupid elizabethan play and i have no idea what to write about. the passage that we were given to analyze is easy enough to understand, but it's greater meaning and analytical depth is totally lost on me. dammit. i have no idea what i'm going to do. hopefully i'll have a stroke of genius and write a kick ass essay...

yeah right.

how the hell did i get in to this freaking school anyway?

bleh

Wed, 18 May 2005 06:19:58 GMT

well, i have one final left tomorrow and i feel like i haven't studied nearly as much as i should have, which is probably true. I probably ended up studying for it for probably a total of 3-4 hours, but they weren't very focused hours, so we'll see how i do. really, i don't feel like i have studied enough for any of my finals, but motivation was low and TV was just too tempting sometimes. i'm lazy, i know. so hopefulyl tomorrow will bearable and i won't feel like a complete dumbass by the time that i finish. i'm not really expecting the final to be too hard, at least that's my justification for not studying very much, so hopefully it won't be hard. oh yeah, and i move out of the dorm tomorrow! i'm a little bit sad, to tell you the truth. i won't miss the dorm, the roommate who has her boyfriend over until 1:30 am when i have a midterm the next day, the really disgusting shared bathroom, the total and utter lack of privacy and/or personal space, the list goes on. but i will miss some of the people (the key word being "some"). i haven't bonded with many people on my floor, and that's kind of an understatement, but i have made a few really good friends who i'm going to miss. and sometimes it's just nice to hear voices of other people around you so that you don't feel totally isolated on this big campus. there are admittedly things that i will miss, but i am really not sad to leave the dorm, although i will be leaving a probably very expensive in any other situatoin, and very lovely, view of San Fran. so this is my last night in the dorm and i have an 8 am final in the morning, so i'll be turning in soon and then tomorrow my first year of college will officially be over. how the hell did that happen? i don't know if college has been what i thought it was going to be, and that's my own fault, i think, but it is what it is. there's nothing that can be changed now. so adios, freshmen year.

gah! i hate studying and packing!

Tue, 17 May 2005 21:16:30 GMT

I really want a blueberry bagel.

Mon, 16 May 2005 21:52:10 GMT

three finals down and one to go...then freedom. god, i can't wait to be out of the freaking dorm.

if anyone is going to be home after may 18th then definitely give me a holla. starbucks is calling us fo sho. i can't wait until everyone is home.

wow

Sat, 14 May 2005 03:21:26 GMT

it's really true that music can be autobiographical. i'm listening to this song that i listened to for like a month during the fall and it's crazy how much it brings back. i can't believe this year is over. i don't know how much i've accomplished in terms of the whole college life deal, but i know that i've made some good friends and i've realized that the dorms are the bane of my existence. this year has definitely been the toughest in all respects and i'm definitely glad it's over. i'm so excited for summer and seeing everyone, but i'm also afraid that summer could mean trouble in a variety of ways. but i guess i'll just have to wait and see. but for now i think i'll stop listening to old music because it's making me all contemplative and analytical about events that passed this year when i should really be studying for my english final tomorrow. i'll be home on wednesday. yay...hopefully.

Tue, 03 May 2005 08:40:28 GMT

i just wanted him to hold me and to mean it.

i'm exhausted. this has been the longest day of my life.

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 00:18:45 GMT

how come stuff never seems to just fall into place for me? it's always a fucking struggle. i'm so frustrated.

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 00:31:45 GMT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I needed that. Even if it is just on the computer.

damn

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 23:49:14 GMT

i feel really dumb about this and i know it's my fault but i'm bummed that no one called me about sushi. i thought i made it clear on blogger that i would be around and just to call me to let me know what was going on. i knew i should have called someone to see what was going on, so i really don't have anything to complain about, but i wanted to see people, considering i haven't really seen anyone since like january, so yeah, i was just bummed. so i guess i'll just have to learn from my mistake and pick up the damn phone. ho hum, four more days until spring break.

gah

Wed, 02 Feb 2005 01:06:00 GMT

i've been really stressed out for the past couple of days, not because of school or homework, but because of my future. for a while i was tossing around the idea of changing my major, i've been stressing over what i want to do with my life, and on a more immediate note, i have no idea where i am living next year and/or who i'm going to live with. it's just running me down. gah, i just want things to be figured out so that i don't have to worry about them anymore. it's the third week of the semester and i already need a break.

farewell, 2004. how i shall miss you.

Tue, 04 Jan 2005 18:07:52 GMT

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
Wow, lots of things. Um, had my first real relationship, which is still going on by the way. Started college, duh. Moved away from home. etc. Went to Europe without my parents, finally graduated from high school (victory!)
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I never even remember my resolutions because i can never think of ones worth keeping, so i'm thinking that i won't keep the one that i set this year either.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope.
5. What countries did you visit?
Austria, Hungary, and the Czech Republic over the summer.
6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
Patience, compassion, and forethought. Sometimes I do things or say things that I don't mean to be hurtful, but turn out to be very hurtful. I need to watch out for that.
7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I really don't remember particular days. Going to the beach with the posse, bonfires in jessie's backyard, cubing, just driving around. those are the things that i will remember.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? getting in to berkeley, for sure.
9. What was your biggest failure? i try not to focus on that, or i just erase them from my memory so i don't have a panic attack.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? lots of colds and allergies, but that's about all
11. What was the best thing you bought? nothing of any substantial value or meaning
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? i don't have a clue
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? he who shall not be named
14. Where did most of your money go? food and cds
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? relationship, college, europe trip, thanksgiving and winter breaks
16. What song will always remind you of 2004? oye vey
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? fatter...damn freshman fifteen
c) richer or poorer? poorer...christmas will do that to a girl
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? keeping in touch with old friends and making new friends
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? don't know
20. How will you be spending Christmas? at home, then my mom's boyfriends house, then my aunt's house for dinner, then home to sleep
21. Did you fall in love in 2004? Yes
22. How many one-night stands? zero
23. What was your favorite TV program? Alias hasn't been on for a while, but probably Alias, Southpark, Family Guy, and Daria
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? no
25. What was the best book you read? Probably The Stranger by Camus, or The Bell Jar by Plath but I might have read that in 2003, i can't remember
26. What was your greatest musical discovery? muse, for sure
27. What did you want and get? boyfriend, strengthened friendships
28. What did you want and not get? a really excellent time in college
29. What was your favorite film of this year? motorcycle diaries
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? family stuff, everyone was away at school, 18
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? no clue whatsoever
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? Jeans, t-shirts, and sweatshirts. I'm a bum
33. What kept you sane? Friends and family
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Johnny Depp. Always Johnny Depp. Gael Garcia Bernal
(Motorcycle Diaries) was definitely in the running though
35. What political issue stirred you the most? gay marriage
36. Who did you miss? my friends
37. Who was the best new person you met? the europe posse
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
-yeah, right.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
-Don't grow up too fast and don't forget the past

bling bling

Thu, 23 Dec 2004 00:19:43 GMT


igby goes down is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

in the homestretch

Fri, 17 Dec 2004 00:01:19 GMT

well, i officially conquered my anthro final this morning. but seriously, whoever thought that 8am finals would be a good idea should be taken out and shot. at least it's over and I never have to hear about the Inuit of the Northern Pacific ever again! MUAHAHA! Needless to say, my professor was thoroughly boring. Not only was he boring, he was boring AND he was an asshole, which is a deadly combination. But that's all behind me know. Now I just have my English final tomorrow, which shouldn't be too bad, but you never know. I'll probably get a B in that class no matter what. I think I would have to do terribly on that final in order to get anything lower than a B, but I might be able to pull of an A- if I can get an A on the final, so tomorrow at 5 o'clock everyone should send their good karma my way. And after 8'clock tomorrow I'll be home for a month. *sigh*

finals week tally

Tue, 14 Dec 2004 06:44:23 GMT

okay, well one final down two to go. my finals don't officially start until thursday, although i have an essay that is taking the place of a final that is due tomorrow. I almost wish my finals were earlier so that I could go home earlier. I'm definitely looking forward to the month of just sitting on my ass. which is basically what i do here, but on vacation there won't be work looming over my head. i think i'm going to skip maggie's shindig on friday night. after my final, which ends at 8 o clock in the evening by the way, i just don't think i'll have the energy or the desire to hang out in a dorm room and listen to drunken rantings all night. so i'm going to go home and sleep in my own bed and hella sleep in on saturday morning. and no more crossroads or the den for almost a month. oh, how glorious.

grr

Mon, 06 Dec 2004 06:22:02 GMT

i want to kill whoever keeps setting of the fire alarm.

stolen from andy and corey

Mon, 29 Nov 2004 06:51:39 GMT

College Boards 101 Greatest Works of Literature
Bold what you've read.

Beowulf
Achebe, Chinua - Things Fall Apart
Agee, James - A Death in the Family
Austen, Jane - Pride and Prejudice
Baldwin, James - Go Tell It on the Mountain
Beckett, Samuel - Waiting for Godot
Bellow, Saul - The Adventures of Augie March
Brontë, Charlotte - Jane Eyre
Brontë, Emily - Wuthering Heights
Camus, Albert - The Stranger
Cather, Willa - Death Comes for the Archbishop
Chaucer, Geoffrey - The Canterbury Tales
Chekhov, Anton - The Cherry Orchard
Chopin, Kate - The Awakening
Conrad, Joseph - Heart of Darkness
Cooper, James Fenimore - The Last of the Mohicans
Crane, Stephen - The Red Badge of Courage
Dante - Inferno
de Cervantes, Miguel - Don Quixote
Defoe, Daniel - Robinson Crusoe
Dickens, Charles - A Tale of Two Cities
Dostoyevsky, Fyodor - Crime and Punishment
Douglass, Frederick - Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass
Dreiser, Theodore - An American Tragedy
Dumas, Alexandre - The Three Musketeers
Eliot, George - The Mill on the Floss
Ellison, Ralph - Invisible Man
Emerson, Ralph Waldo - Selected Essays
Faulkner, William - As I Lay Dying
Faulkner, William - The Sound and the Fury
Fielding, Henry - Tom Jones
Fitzgerald, F. Scott - The Great Gatsby
Flaubert, Gustave - Madame Bovary
Ford, Ford Madox - The Good Soldier
Goethe, Johann Wolfgang von - Faust
Golding, William - Lord of the Flies
Hardy, Thomas - Tess of the d'Urbervilles
Hawthorne, Nathaniel - The Scarlet Letter
Heller, Joseph - Catch-22
Hemingway, Ernest - A Farewell to Arms
Homer - The Iliad
Homer - The Odyssey
Hugo, Victor - The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Hurston, Zora Neale - Their Eyes Were Watching God
Huxley, Aldous - Brave New World
Ibsen, Henrik - A Doll's House
James, Henry - The Portrait of a Lady
James, Henry - The Turn of the Screw
Joyce, James - A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Kafka, Franz - The Metamorphosis
Kingston, Maxine Hong - The Woman Warrior
Lee, Harper - To Kill a Mockingbird
Lewis, Sinclair - Babbitt
London, Jack - The Call of the Wild
Mann, Thomas - The Magic Mountain
Marquez, Gabriel García - One Hundred Years of Solitude
Melville, Herman - Bartleby the Scrivener
Melville, Herman - Moby Dick
Miller, Arthur - The Crucible
Morrison, Toni - Beloved
O'Connor, Flannery - A Good Man is Hard to Find
O'Neill, Eugene - Long Day's Journey into Night
Orwell, George - Animal Farm
Pasternak, Boris - Doctor Zhivago
Plath, Sylvia - The Bell Jar
Poe, Edgar Allan - Selected Tales
Proust, Marcel - Swann's Way
Pynchon, Thomas - The Crying of Lot 49
Remarque, Erich Maria - All Quiet on the Western Front
Rostand, Edmond - Cyrano de Bergerac
Roth, Henry - Call It Sleep
Salinger, J.D. - The Catcher in the Rye
Shakespeare, William - Hamlet
Shakespeare, William - Macbeth
Shakespeare, William - A Midsummer Night's Dream
Shakespeare, William - Romeo and Juliet
Shaw, George Bernard - Pygmalion
Shelley, Mary - Frankenstein
Silko, Leslie Marmon - Ceremony
Solzhenitsyn, Alexander - One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich
Sophocles - Antigone
Sophocles - Oedipus Rex
Steinbeck, John - The Grapes of Wrath
Stevenson, Robert Louis - Treasure Island
Stowe, Harriet Beecher - Uncle Tom's Cabin
Swift, Jonathan - Gulliver's Travels
Thackeray, William - Vanity Fair
Thoreau, Henry David - Walden
Tolstoy, Leo - War and Peace
Turgenev, Ivan - Fathers and Sons
Twain, Mark - The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Voltaire - Candide
Vonnegut, Kurt Jr. - George Bergeron
Walker, Alice - The Color Purple
Wharton, Edith - The House of Mirth
Welty, Eudora - Collected Stories
Whitman, Walt - Leaves of Grass
Wilde, Oscar - The Picture of Dorian Gray
Williams, Tennessee - The Glass Menagerie
Woolf, Virginia - To the Lighthouse
Wright, Richard - Native Son

=boredom

just another manic monday

Mon, 22 Nov 2004 19:42:16 GMT

i'm so excited for thanksgiving, but i'm also kind of afraid. what if everything is completely weird between everybody? i know that nothing will be the same, but i just hope it's not uncomfortable or something like that. but i'm not too worried. i'm just excited to see everyone. so is dinner on friday night the plan? i see much fun in the very near future.

by the way, i hate mondays with a passion. today, i woke up half an hour before class so this day started off on a very panicked note. then i got to class but was still asleep so that class was basically a waste of time anyway. but class on wednesday is cancelled! one down, one to go. hopefully my english class will get cancelled too and then i'll have all wednesday to do nothing! for some reason i don't see that happening though, that class is apparently on a very tight schedule so class being cancelled is a slim possibility. but we'll see. keep your fingers crossed.

parting is such sweet sorrow

Tue, 16 Nov 2004 00:14:30 GMT

Jon Grande got fired. Woe is me. No more free coffee, no more incredibly sexy grin. It's the end of an era.
Goodbye, Jon Grande. *sob*

oh boredom, sweet boredom

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 01:43:08 GMT

well, this week has been wicked boring, and as a result, i've been really homesick this week. i find that when i have too much time to sit around and marinate over things, i start to get down, and that's never a good thing. i feel like everyone else is always having a great deal of fun while i just sit at my computer playing mah jong and listening to my ipod. i know that this isn't really the case, but it feels that way. the problem is that i don't really want to join any clubs because none of them really interest me and it's really hard for me to make convincing small talk constantly. i also find that when you aren't like "oh my god, you're my new best friend and we need to hang out all the time" that a lot of people lose interest. i'm clearly not that enthusiastic so that makes establishing new friendships hard. it hasn't really been that long if you think about it. i still have so much time to make friends, but as everyone has mentioned at some point, it is so hard to go from having at least one friend available at almost any time to having what feels like no one. but i'll get over it. there are people on my floor that i really like (although the majority of them drive me absolutely insane). so yeah, it's been a long three days. i think i've giving myself a self declared three day weekend though and going back to san jose on thursday night just because i feel like it. so there.